Tested

I woke up after seven hours of sleep and forced myself into running shoes. I made a last minute decision to do loops in my neighborhood, rather than venture into the foothills. Five mile easy, five miles fartlek of alternating minutes at 7:40 pace and easy, six miles easy, then two miles hard. Hard is a relative word after you've run 16 miles. Somehow, after four weeks of sleep deprivation and literally nothing but work and running, I was able to pull off 18 miles at 8:20 pace. Admittedly, I was feeling time pressure this morning to get to temple on time, but this workout gave me a litle more confidence for year 5770.

I finished my run, darted into the shower, threw on some heels and lip gloss and booked it to Stanford for the Hillel service. I probably should be going to the Conservative/Orthadox services, but I was with Reform/Reconstructionist community. The more time I spend in the West Coast Reform/Reconstructionist world, the more I realize that either I grew up Reform-Conservative or the East Coast is, by nature, more conservative. The Reform Jews out here recite prayers to melodies that are unfamiliar and people came in one, two, and three hours late (four hours of temple today, my friends), dressed all too casual for my High Holiday ideals.

I did appreciate that the Rabbi invited everyone up for an aliyah (the blessing before and after reading a portion of the Torah). The different aliyot were for anyone who had felt tested, present, blessed, or loss/fear in the past year. I decided that while I could probably participate in any of these groups, the most salient feeling of the last year is that I'm being tested (certainly this morning's workout was a big test...one that tells me I need to back off on my training for a bit and run slow, even though I'm happy to realize my fitness is good). It's not all testing in a negative sense, but I definitely feel as though I'm supposed to figure something out from my life and I just haven't yet. It definitely feels like a test to try to figure out how to spend my time well...I want to run, bike, row, enjoy time with friends, write letters read books, read the paper, and listen to my favorite podcasts and music...but I haven't been able to do all of these things consistently or well. I don't know how people do it. If I did, I'd try to learn from them, I hope.

As happens every year out here, the High Holidays remind me that I like being Jewish and wish I had more of a community here. Last year's desire to go to temple more did not happen with the election and intense marathon training. I'm hoping to explore the Bay Area's Jewish community this year, but I definitely am nervous about not finding something as meaningful as what I had in Boston. But, optimism remains. It has to.